I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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