so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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