my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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