literally had 100 drinks last night.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
