Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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