We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
