If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
