if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
