fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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