she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
