i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
