he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
this is an emotional support booty call
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
