I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm both gender and math confused
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
