Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
