Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
