i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
