Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
