The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
