I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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