You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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