I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
