so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize