I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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