you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
