Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
