im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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