I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize