hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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