hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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