Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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