I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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