He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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