Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
