his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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