I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
