I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
