I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
