She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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