A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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