I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
