So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
