Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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