Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
