No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
