I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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