Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize