Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
