How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
