I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
