did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
