i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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