you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
