2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
