I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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