I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
