then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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