that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
