Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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