Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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