I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
