even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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