Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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