I wish I could teleport
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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