he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
