Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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